GREY NOMAD RACING

Story by Sean Newell

Everything started off well. We managed to find somewhere to park the caravans only about 4km from the clubsite, set up picnic tables & have a nice cup of tea from the thermos. FRANK was an uncertain starter, after finding his bike had suffered a mysterious conniption [nothing to do with him SITTING on the poor thing] and spontaneously ejected a variety of bolts & vital components the night before. It had obviously heard what was about to happen. Anyway, some skilled repairs with a hammer, bluetack, and load bearing Maxxis stickers saw it in fine race trim.

A further good portent was TIM LAMBERT actually turning up on the correct day! I think those new pills are doing wonders for his memory, but he did forget to put clothes on & was wandering about wearing just his pressure suit. Fortunately his wife turned up and dressed him. New kid MATT from Adelaide was looking a bit too schmicko & relaxed for our liking, so we unsettled him with talk of stinging trees, hidden bamboo spike pits, and cost of dentures in Cairns.  Once again ADRIAN BORSJE was too scared, and feigned some excuse like being in Germany for the annual Goat Cheese Convention. GRANT was on the lookout for spiders but settled down after we stole his spectacles, and ROD T tried to mess with us by saying his bike wasn’t dialled in, but we all saw him fine tuning the midspeed-rebound-propedal-floodgate knob by a half click.

All up 7 of us in Masters! But hang on - that stinking little cheat ROB STEVENSON had falsified his birth certificate and put on a grey wig & urine soaked slippers to infiltrate our ranks – we won’t forget this Rob… well, actually we will. We had been on the course enough that our bikes knew the way home, like a faithful horse you can get on blind drunk, so we weren’t too worried about getting lost. Just to be sure we took plenty of maps to look at on the way & had phone numbers for RACQ, police, fire brigade, and the lady next door who feeds the cat. We sent the bikes off for a couple of practice runs whilst we mused over tactics. Take off like a rabbit & settle into a steady pace? Build up gradually & save some for a savage burst?  Eventually we decided that crossing the line sometime today with less than a litre blood loss would do. 

The new section through Cockatoo Flats was straight so that wouldn’t confuse us too much & the rest of the course had been nicely decorated with pretty tape. Plus there were heaps of friendly people waving flags & calling out to us about ‘wrong way’ or something & rolling about with tears in their eyes – must have been all the dust.

Anyway, things got nasty from here. WARREN tried to psyche us out with his scary race-face, but it actually turned out to be a full bladder, which backfired on him in the rock garden. Somebody nobbled the starter horn so only the Masters couldn’t hear it, and Mal had to whack us out of the gate with a stick. My first run was smooth & impressive – I saw Mick Hannah’s eyes popping in disbelief- but somebody bribed Normie to add 30 seconds. 2^nd run not so good – over the top of a loose berm [I swear someone added another 2 inches of dust] – and that dog FALLAPI deliberately kicked a killer rock onto the lip of the smooth drop. Gordon of course had been strategically placed to get a shot of me looking for my dentures. I swear I was on for a sub-3 run otherwise. This was sufficient for  FRANK to take the gong [we are of course excluding dirty cheat Stevenson. Who remembers the Spanish basketball team at the Sydney Para Olympics, stripped of their gold medal for faking disability?]

Other than that, a bunch of young guys probably went really fast or something…. Miles, Berend & Adrian D stormed in with less than a second between them, but were still nearly 10s behind Mick H.  Great finish line action thanks to all the work done by Miles, and once again thanks to Normie, Mal, Barb, Gordon & all the helpers for a great day.

CROSS COUNTRY / PONY EXPRESS ROUND 2 31^ST JUNE 2008

Story by Jay Marron

Saturday afternoon saw the running of round two of the cairns mountain bike clubs cross country race.  An increase in participant numbers saw strong fields in all racing categories, with Bernard Cossar–Smith again showing excellent form to dominate the elite men’s field. 

Rain earlier this week, followed by a few nice dry days set trail conditions up perfectly, with plenty of fast, loamy corners to blast thru on the descents and firm, grippy hardpack on the demanding climbs.  Round two saw an extension to the length of the course,  with a longer climb up the fire access road then shooting into the bottom of the fabled Minjin downhill track for some very fast, technical descending.  Crowds on the Minjin's trickier sections were not disappointed, with a few generous competitors giving punters a quick lesson in “over the bars, aerial dismounts”.

Event organizers Dropped one lap to offset the increased track length, which saw overall finishing times decrease slightly, with a call from Normie to add even more extra climbing for the next round in four weeks.  Looks could be deceiving, Normie may not be the nice guy we thought he was.

Extra numbers in most classes saw the competition heat up, with local legend Dave Wood and  hard man Mike Le Roux throwing their hats in the expert men’s ring to see if they could shake Bernard’s resolve, but it was all to no avail.  Bernard only added 2 minutes per lap on the new, longer course, simply devouring all the singletrack served to him.

Thanks again to the race organizers , competitors and volunteers, spectators and hecklers, for another smoothly run, fun event.  Hope to see you all again for round three on the 6^th July.  Don’t forget the downhill rounds on 15th and 29^th June.